I never got around to posting anything yesterday 🙈
Tripp got to be home since there was so much rain and we spent the day inside. Tripp worked in the garage to clean and organize it. Then later on we made fried okra, fried pork tenderloin and rice and gravy. It was so dang gooood.
One thing I’ve been thinking about a lot today and yesterday is how much worse loss is when it’s a mother to young children. Both of my sisters are still young, at home school age. When Polly wasn’t in the picture it was easier to take care of them because— I had no one else to take care of. But now my first priority is my own daughter, and I have a lot of guilt over it having to be that way. Not guilt that I have Polly, simply that I can’t take care of both of them. Janie is sick with strep throat and all I want to do is go over to their house and make her tea and pamper her so she feels loved and cared for. But if I do that I risk giving Polly strep and I do not want that. So I take care of them as best I can from a distance. My therapist has told me before that it is okay to let it be this way. That they are old enough to understand and that I can grieve the care they are missing and support them from a distance and it will not traumatize them to be without me, but that’s easier said than felt.
It’s hard. but I know before long they will be grown and it will be easier to stand the thought of them taking care of themselves, for right now it’s still gut wrenching.
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