50/365 sunday sadness

Today was mostly not great and I don’t have a lot of things to say about it. Controlling my emotions is hard, especially because of feeling so hyper sensitive to everything and on edge most of the time. I wish I wasn’t still so badly traumatized…I’m working through a lot but when I struggle boy do I struggle. In writing things down, I’ve been able to look back and see that I’m just not in a great place right now. I think it’s because of fall, and a dread of the holidays again. I feel really sad and sometimes I feel like people think I shouldn’t feel that way anymore. 

Ack, I don’t know. I’m just struggling a lot recently and I wish things were different and I can’t let go of that. My therapist told me that she hears a lot of fear in me and she also said that it sounded like I was afraid that if I let go of my trauma that I wouldn’t have anything left and that is, unfortunately, very true. What would I be if I wasnmt sad? I would be empty.