33/365 mom guilt

It’s a strange thing that I didn’t know about until I experienced it. I don’t know if it comes from social media and seeing others parent differently than you or if it would have happened regardless of outside influences.

I have a lot of guilt over taking time for myself. Which is so weird, right? I have to talk myself down from the guilt-ledge most times I do anything without Polly for my own pleasure. Mimi keeps her a lot and she loves it, but that doesn’t always do much to settle the feeling that I should not be doing what I’m doing. Like going for coffee with friends or having lunch or a date night with Tripp. In my head it’s a constant barrage of ‘there are mothers out there who never get this chance and they still function. You’re so weak for needing so much help’ 

It’s not even true, at least the being weak part. Everyone needs time for themselves and self care. Taking a bath in solitude, having time alone with your spouse. Those are just small examples of things that are necessary to keep you mentally refreshed enough to be a good caretaker to your child. It’s not weakness to need time for yourself and it doesn’t mean you need a ‘break’ from your child in a negative, ‘you’re a burden to me’ type way. 

At least that’s what I’m learning and working on. 

Thankfully, I do love having Polly with me. I don’t see her as someone I need a break from or someone who is exhausting me. She is a tiny human being who needs support and I am so privileged to get to give it to her. She won’t always need me like this, and I’ll have plenty of time for myself one day and miss when she only wanted me. I guess all this boils down to, motherhood is a sweet sacrifice and of course it’s hard to raise a human being entirely dependent on you and take care of yourself. Choosing time for your own pleasure does not make you a bad mom, and the guilt is lying to you that you don’t deserve time for yourself.