It’s what I wish I could have done more when Polly was 0-6 month old. I think that’s how long it took me to feel confident enough to actually say no to others when it came to my choice vs their suggestion.
Someone very close to me gave me a book when I was pregnant with Polly. I won’t name the book, but I remember reading it, in all it’s sleep training, four hour spaced feedings, very hands off approach to parenthood glory and thinking, ‘Well gee, this is swell.’
No book prepares you for the moment when they lay that baby on your chest. Many books can tell you what it’s like to be a mother, but no book prepares you for how it feels.
Suddenly things you thought would be okay to do are absolutely unthinkable. Anxiety kicks in and you second guess everything but the closeness of you and your baby.
As the weeks and months wear on and you are exposed to more and more noise from family or friends, advice and unwanted opinions trickle in, or are even sometimes forced on you. If you are a new mom— or new parents, here is a list six things of things I wish someone would have told me when I was deep in the throes of navigating parenthood with post natal anxiety.
- You can tell your relatives that how you feed your baby and how often you do it is none of their business.
Because it isn’t and if you establish that right off the bat it will may save you a world of hurt.
- You don’t have to let anyone hold your baby.
I am an attached parent all the way. I feel most at ease like that, and if it upsets someone that you have said ‘no’ it is not your issue to deal with.
- If in-laws are involved, involve your spouse.
My husband has privately addressed issues with my in-laws before after thoughtful and kind discussion between the two of us about what the issue was and how we thought it would best be solved. This ensures that you, the mother, are not part of a potential blame game. Your spouse presents the issue and the solution with no room for rebuttal from others on what the aforementioned solution is.
- Cosleeping and bedsharing* are not intrinsically bad.
Unresearched, unsafe bedsharing IS. If you have taken all the appropriate measures to ensure the safety of your baby (e.i, abstaining from alcohol and all other mind altering substances, you don’t smoke, making sure the baby is dressed appropriately, the mattress is firm enough and no blankets are covering the baby) and you feel that decision is best for you and your family, go for it. There are people in our life who don’t know that we bedshare either, you don’t have to tell anyone.
- There are different parenting styles and that’s OK.
I mentioned above that I’m an attached parent. I buy all organic food, I breastfeed, I don’t let her out of my sight because I hardly trust anyone with her. I have friends who bottle feed, let their babies eat whatever and have spend the nights with their friends. I don’t think they are dirtbag parents who don’t care about their kids. We are all at different places mentally and emotionally that influence how we raise our kids and that is, again, absolutely ok.
- You know what’s best for your baby. That’s why God gave you that specific baby.
This piggy backs off point number five, but it’s true. He knew you and your spouse alone were the two best suited people for your baby. It’s part of why He brought you together.
Parenthood is hard in those first few months. But with boundaries and gentleness towards yourself and your baby, you can enjoy the time and let others enjoy your baby right along with you, inside your comfort zone. 💙
*I am not a safe sleep expert and I am
Always striving to be up to date on the safest methods. Please do your own research and REALLY prepare if you are going to bedshare. Do not simply take my advice without doing your own homework on it. It could mean your child’s life.
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