29/365 postpartum

My postpartum experience was rough. Physically and emotionally. 

I tried to not hold myself to too high of a standard and just live through the moments in the beginning, because I wanted to say that I had had an easy experience postpartum, but it just wasn’t as black and white as that. Once the sun started to fade….it literally felt like I had sundowners. And no amount of positive self talk and going easy on myself could fix it. I would start to feel very anxious, and I would want Tripp inside with me and I would have to close the blinds and even then as soon as it got dark I was bawling. Nothing could make me stop, and nothing in particular made me start other than knowing the sun was going down. It wasn’t even that I was dreading not sleeping, it simply happened like clockwork for about two weeks after Polly was born. I vividly remember the same thing happening to Mom, and feeling so bad for her. She would have to have Dad with her, and even then she would cry into his chest while he held her. Her best friend also says the same thing happened during her postpartum experience. 

I combatted it with the help of these things, even though it did thankfully go away on it’s own two weeks after she was born. 

1. First I would close all the blinds and cover up the windows once the sun started to set. Then I would turn on ALL the lights and lamps to make it as bright as I possibly could. 
2. Cry it out, cause you’ve just come through a massively bodily traumatic event and are now supporting the life of a tiny human AND yourself. Give yourself room to release those emotions 
3. Watch funny movies. We watched The Hangover and Due Date in particular. I know we watched other comedies too, but I can’t remember them right now. Cause they couldn’t be stand ups and it couldn’t be a tv show. It needed to be a feature length film that was not based in reality like that of stand up.
4. Take a nap during the day if you can. Having Tripp or Mimi watch Polly while I napped really improved my mental state. 

Those are the things that really helped me. I felt so scared during those first two weeks, but thankfully the hormones do dissipate eventually and honestly getting sleep was hugely helpful to combat those intense bouts of depression at sundown. It’s so strange and bizarre, the things your body does to you after giving birth.