14/365 just say no

As a disclaimer, I’m an introvert, let’s just get that out if the way. I had also just come through the worst tragedy my life, so to me covid-19 was nothing. Sheltering at home was almost my daily life already, as someone who grew up homeschooled and lived in the country. 

When my OBGYN’s office handed me the Covid-19 information slip along with my 20 week, ‘yay! You made it half way. Did you remember you’ve gotta push this baby out soon? Here’s everything you need to know about how the hospital handles that’ info packet, and I read that only one person could come to the hospital with you I was relieved. I wanted my Mom there with me, I wanted her and my husband. But cancer took her from me, so Covid did me a favor and took away the pain of having to face my grieving family and pretend we were all not thinking of who wasn’t there when they met my newborn daughter for the first time only hours after I’d given her up from my body. 

Tripp and I spent the first two days of Polly’s life alone with her and it was blissful. There were the distractions of the nurses and doctors of course, but we had her to ourselves and were able to bond with her first. It was honestly the most surreal few days of my life, I’ll do it the same way again if I can. 

I was in some of the worst physical pain I had ever experienced. I gave birth to her naturally, and I’d rather do that again and pick the epidural for the first week postpartum, please. It’s not even the sharp initial pain, rather the long drawn out discomfort of having your nether regions ripped apart and hosting guests in your pajamas while bleeding profusely and trying not to hug anyone too tight cause your nipples are also sore. 

If anyone other than my daughter and maybe future daughters ever reads this, honey, if you don’t want guests say no. Say it. You don’t have to have anyone over for as long as you like. I wish I had put off non-family coming over for more than two hours off for the first month after her birth. If that is how you want to do it too, you’re the mom and you make the rules.